What Dogs Think (EP 68)

The “Helpful” Garden Assistance Program (Rearranging Plants Without Permission)

Tall Ones plant gardens. Dogs rearrange gardens. This is not sabotage — this is the Garden Assistance Program, a volunteer initiative designed to improve soil aeration, plant spacing, and spiritual chaos.

Phase 1 — Soil Evaluation
Upon entering garden, dog performs environmental inspection:
✔ soil softness (diggability)
✔ mulch density (kick potential)
✔ worm activity (snack availability)
✔ pot placement (tip-and-roll fun factor)
Tall One says “Don’t you dare,” which dog interprets as “begin now.”

Phase 2 — Plant Reclassification
Tall Ones categorize plants into: vegetables, herbs, flowers.
Dogs categorize plants into:
• snackable
• sniffable
• shade objects
• sticks
• sticks with hats (flowers)
• sticks with snacks (tomatoes)

Phase 3 — Excavation & Redistribution
Dog relocates soil using:
✔ front paw excavation
✔ back leg dirt-spraying (turbo mode)
✔ mouth-carrying of mystery roots
Soil is redistributed across patio, porch, and Tall One’s legs. This improves nutrient equality (allegedly).

Phase 4 — Harvest Sampling
Dog taste-tests garden crops for quality assurance:
• cherry tomatoes (favorite illicit snack)
• strawberries (gone instantly)
• lettuce (meh)
• carrots (yes please)
• cucumbers (surprisingly acceptable)
Tall One screams “THOSE WERE FOR DINNER!” Dog disagrees.

Phase 5 — Post-Work Nap
After remodeling garden without request, dog naps proudly in center of destruction zone like an artist admiring finished work.

🐾 Breeds Who Excel at This

• Dachshunds:Horticultural excavation professionals
  • Terriers: Soil modification engineers
  • Labs: Tomato thieves with zero regret
  • Huskies: Digging for recreational drama
  • Corgis: Pot re-arrangers with short legs and ambition

🧠 Science Says:

Digging & plant investigation are expressions of foraging, denning, and exploratory behaviors. Dogs seek scents, textures, and edible items — gardens provide all three in one location.