Here’s a scientific fact the Tall Ones refuse to accept: dogs do not forget treat times. Ever. We may pretend to forget commands, boundaries, and that one obedience drill from Week 3… but when it comes to snacks? We have the memory of an elephant that went to Harvard.
Phase 1 — Time Tracking
Dogs possess an internal clock calibrated specifically to:
• meal time
• treat time
• walk time
• bark-at-mail-carrier time
• unidentified chaos hour
Despite not understanding the stock market, cryptocurrency, or taxes (thank goodness), we absolutely understand 4pm Chicken Snack O’Clock.
Phase 2 — Reminder Protocol
If the Tall One is late delivering snacks, deploy the following sequence:
- Sit directly in front of them
- Stare unblinkingly
- Add slow tail wag
- Add little huffs of impatience
- Optional paw tap
If this does not work, escalate to circling the kitchen like a shark that smells rotisserie chicken.
Phase 3 — Psychological Warfare
If delayed by more than 10 minutes, sigh dramatically and look away as if betrayed by society itself. Humans cannot emotionally withstand this level of guilt. Snacks will appear.
Phase 4 — Reinforcement
Once snack is obtained, circle back 20 minutes later and repeat because Tall Ones are forgetful.
🐾 Breeds Who Excel at This
- Beagles:Will petition Congress for more snacks
• Labs: Know exact schedule down to the minute
• Corgis: Run treat unions, demand negotiations
• Shibas: Passive-aggressive approach specialists
• Pugs: Weaponize cuteness as extortion
🧠 Science Says:
Studies show dogs use circadian rhythms, environmental cues, and human routine prediction to anticipate feeding times with wild accuracy. In other words: we notice everything.
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