Reverse Fetch (Make the Tall Ones Retrieve)

Listen up, pups — it’s time we talk about Reverse Fetch, a high-level psychological exercise where you train the Tall Ones to fetch for you. Normal fetch is when they throw and you chase. Boring. Reverse Fetch is when you bring the object and they do the work.

Here’s how to execute:

Step 1 — Delivery:
Select an object (ball, toy, sock, the sacred house slipper) and deliver it to the Tall One. Drop it at their feet. Stare. Intensify stare if necessary.

Step 2 — The Stare of Expectation:
Do not bark. Do not nudge. Just stare like, “Well? Show me what you’ve got.” The Tall Ones crumble under unspoken pressure.

Step 3 — Human Retrieval:
When the Tall One picks up the object and throws it, do not chase it. Instead, maintain eye contact and add confusion. This forces them into the “Wait… what?” phase. Congratulations. You have engaged cognitive dissonance.

Step 4 — Repeat Until Conditioned:
After a few attempts, the Tall One will start bringing the object back to you, wondering if they misunderstood the rules. They did. You are rewriting society.

This game builds leadership skills, strengthens human fetching behavior, and provides enrichment for the Tall Ones who are otherwise mentally understimulated.

🐾 Breeds Who Excel at This

• Border Collies:Too smart not to
  • Shibas: Do it purely out of spite
  • Labs: Pretend they don’t get the rules (they do)
  • Bassets: Won’t chase. Ever. Perfect candidates
  • Corgis: Enjoy watching big humans run around

🧠 Science Says:

Dogs learn through operant conditioning… but so do humans. Reverse Fetch exploits curiosity loops and reward-seeking behavior. Yes — you can train your human.